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January 06, 2009

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bev

Ahh...this post made my heart sad. This may not help much, but I think we all go through something like that. I did. And, this friend and I tried to make another go of it, but I just couldn't do it. After a while I realized that I didn't trust her with my feelings again and was just waiting to be hurt. So, I was the one the severed the relationship the second time. I still miss her, but can't go back. Friendships are a blessing that we should cherish. But to allow our feelings to be trampled upon or disregarded is not healthy either. You are a loving and giving person. Don't linger here Sweetie, you don't need to. As for the shawl. Pack it away. Someday it will tell you it where it wants to go. Hugs and sympathetic energy to you.

ambermoggie

I've had it happen several times and it always hurts:( When Mr Mog was diagnosed with cancer it was amazing the very close friends who never got in touch any more afterwards. Move on, it is their loss you are a generous kind person
sending hugs

D

There is the old tradition of the parting gift...you could send it with a note expressing your sorrow at her departure from your life, explaining that this was a work in progress when she took her leave & that while you'll not pursue contact any further, the door is open should she choose to resume it.

She'll already know all of that if she's reading your blog, but notes are more personal.

Maria

I think I'd take the high road and send the shawl anyway. She can't be a very happy person. That way you can walk away knowing you'd done all you can. And then you have to quit beating yourself up! It's probably not you.

Helen

The thing you have to remember is, it all says more about her than it does about you. Even if you had done something awful - and I'm sure you didn't - a worthwhile friend would at least talk to you about it. When I got ill and then after a few years had to stop work I was amazed at the people who melted away, people whom I thought of as strong and loyal and with whom I'd been through a lot. One of them even wrote me a letter suggesting that we 'suspend' our friendship while I was ill.

Sometimes people just do it because you've got too close, they've told you something they wish they hadn't and they have to put a distance between them and you again.

I wouldn't send her the scarf: give it to somebody who's treating you better. She's not behaving well, and you deserve better, so the hell with her. You've still got us :)

Pam

Sorry I'm Late.

In an effort to discern when all this took place I went back through some old posts from both of you. I find it ironic that shortly after your last visit, she wrote a post where she mentions bumping into an old friend who had suddenly ostrisized her, with no explanation, and how painful that was. Then she turns around and does the same. Shameful. I only read three blogs regularly. Yours, hers and Norma's. I still love you all, reading about your lives enriches mine so much. Bless you for all you do for others.

Pam

sligo

Giving the gift to the person it was intended for may help you keep your heart open. For me, the key to this kind of experience is to feel the anger, frustration, and loneliness, and remember that people all around us are feeling the same way because of similar situations. Then the gift can be given with an open heart with everyone who is hurting in mind. And you can be assured that you at least have done no harm.

Alyse

This completely sucks. I've been through this, the suckyness, and the bewildered feelings, and the self questioning. But I agree with one of the above posters - it says more about her than about you.

You are pretty gosh darn fantastic, and I have a passel of folks whole stand with me on that.

I would have a hard time giving anything more to someone who treated me that way. Maybe find a charity and donate the project to them?

Sylvia

If you ever have any doubts about how I feel about you, holler, okay? Love you, consider our friendship to be one of life's splendid gifts, and huge apologies for being a lousy correspondent -- the cussed eye is a mess again. P.S. please email me in a non-typepad vein so I can make sure I'm using the correct response addy for you.

Chin up, TTTW, and I wish we were sitting in your old windowseat right now...

Faerielady

I'm sorry it's taken me a while to read blogs, but then again I'd be very surprised if you knew who I was. I'm also sorry that you're having to go through a very painful experience that has caused you to doubt yourself.

The previous comments are right. This has nothing to do with *you*, and everything to do with her. A real friend will speak to you and tell you what is bothering him/her and give you a chance to tell your side of the story... because there are always three sides. Theirs, yours, and the truth. Sometimes the truth is closer to theirs, sometimes it's closer to yours, and sometimes it sits by itself in the corner downing jello shots that are a bit too heavy on the vodka.

Just remember that you are a beautiful person and a great friend. To hell with what that person thinks... she's thrown away a great friendship without cause or concern for your feelings. When it's happened to me, I have been able to become casual acquaintances with the person in question but the depth of trust and feelings of caring that I had aren't there anymore and won't be back.

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